It comes to no surprise, to many, that relationships take work. Maintaining healthy relationships requires a constant awareness and desire to compromise. Compromising, in the context of relationships brings Eartha Kitt to mind. Now, there is no judgment or shame if compromising is not for you. However, the truth is that relationships require gives and takes, in addition to contributing 100/100 – not the proverbial 50/50. In short, healthy relationships require a lot of work.
Healthy romantic relationships can be very beautiful. You may feel like throwing in the proverbial towel because you feel as though you are just done. If you are still not sure about throwing in the towel and are wondering if you should end your relationship, make sure you have done the five things listed below. Happy reading!
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- Make sure you are in a space to communicate in a way that is not hurtful or harmful. If you are upset, sad, hurt, or feeling out of sorts – then park it and address it when is it wise to be addressed. That means that all communication should stop and you should take time to do something else to cool your head. Heated arguments rarely end well (Scott, 2022).
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- Do not interrupt when someone is speaking. If you are being interrupted, let the person know – respectfully and calmly that you are being interrupted. Everyone deserves to have a chance to speak. If you disagree with what the other person is saying, then wait for your turn. When it is your turn to speak, let the person know that you disagree with what they are saying and why (Scott, 2022).
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- Use “I” statements. That means that you are focusing on you and what you feel. Perception is the experience of the person that is receiving the information. Perception is tainted with trauma, previous experiences, and internal noise. So, imposing your perspection on someone else and framing them as their experience is one way that miscommunication happens. So, while it is cliché and corny – use “I” statements (Scott, 2022)!
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- Be Empathetic. Brené Brown has a great video on sympathy vs empathy. It is so important to know the difference that I would ask job applicants to explain the difference during job interviews. Empathy is the ability to understand what others feel to the degree that one can feel what others feel. Empathy is that thing that we feel when we cry when we see others cry. Sympathy is a separation. It is understanding that someone may be going through something difficult however, we are not feeling what they feel – and we are grateful that we are not experiencing what they are experiencing.
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- Listening to understand – not to respond. Fun Fact: the “L” in L.I.F.E. stands for LISTEN. If you are gearing up to respond to what your partner is saying, while your partner is speaking, then you are not listening. Listen to understand what your partner is saying and where your partner is coming from. It is also helpful to simply listen to the words that your partner is saying and not add your own “spin” to the words.
- Boundaries
- I once had a supervisor that used to say that boundaries keep people safe. The older I get, the more I understand that. Boundaries are the rules to the game. Clear boundaries set clear expectations. By having clear boundaries people now what is allowed and what is not allowed (Nash, 2023).
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- Types of boundaries are: Emotional, Physical, and Financial. Maintaining boundaries requires having enough self-awareness to know what your boundaries are. If you do not know what your boundaries are, it is impossible for others to respect them. Get to know yourself, be assertive, and own your boundaries. Those that cannot respect them, do not have a place in your life (Nash, 2023).
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- People that do not have clear boundaries usually are codependent and take it personally when other exert their boundaries (Nash, 2023).
- Bond
- Remember the romance? Remember the butterflies? Those fade. Relationships do not remain that sweet. It is normal for relationships to shift, shape, and change over time. However, be purposeful about doing bonding activities together. Go to the movies. Go on a picnic. Visit a museum. Play a boardgame. Have an indoor date. Do anything that brings you together. Keep devices away from the bonding time. Gaze in each other’s eyes. Express appreciation.
- Self-Care
- Take time for you! After all of the energy that is invested in a relationship with someone else, remember to take time out for you. Having clear boundaries is a form of self-care and you cannot have boundaries without self-care. It is cyclical! Take time doing things that you enjoy.
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- Great self-care examples are: exercise, do yoga, practice meditation, journal, go out with friends, go dancing, sing karaoke, etc. Figure out what you enjoy and do it!
- Couples Counseling
- There is merit in therapeutic interventions. Do not shy away from seeking professional advice that can improve your relationship. Clinicians employ evidence-based practices that are proven to improve mental health outcomes. The thing is, however, that you get out of counseling what you put in. Go in with a clear goal, with clear objectives, and be open to feedback.
References
Nash, J., PhD. (2023, April 19). How to set healthy boundaries & Build positive relationships.
PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/
Scott, E., PhD. (2022, January 25). How to improve your relationships with effective communication
skills. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/managing-conflict-in-relationships-communication-tips-3144967